


Acceptance and a Lack Thereof

by ShiieldMaidenofGondor



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Background Percahlia, F/M, Gen, Keyleth-centric, LOTSA SPOILERS MAN, Speculation, allusions to the silmarillion, canon character death, here ya go, post ep 103, so i wrote one, spoilery as shit man, y'all i just really needed a luthien and mandos style argument b/t kiki and the raven queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11361795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiieldMaidenofGondor/pseuds/ShiieldMaidenofGondor
Summary: Keyleth can't accept this. She can't accept that this is just it, that now that their mission is done, that Vecna is dead, that Vax is just gone. It may be foolish, it may be idiotic, but she has a plan and it just might be stupid enough to work.Or, Keyleth argues with the Raven Queen for Vax's soul.





	Acceptance and a Lack Thereof

**Author's Note:**

> So as soon as That Thing happened in ep 102, I've had this lil nagging idea. I can't stop making connections between Vax and Keyleth and Beren and Luthien from Tolkien's works. All I want is to see Keyleth pleading hers and Vax's case to the Raven Queen like Luthien did to Mandos and since that prolly won't happen (at the very least not this soon) I just wrote it myself. 
> 
> I know this is an old habit, but it's one I can't break, so let me just say that I don't own shit. If I did, I'd prolly be less worried about paying off my student loans. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_“And as [Luthien] knelt before him her tears fell upon his feet like rain upon the stones; and Mandos was moved to pity, who never before was so moved, nor has been since.”_

\- J.R.R. Tolkien, _The Silmarillion, Of Beren and Luthien_

 

* * *

 

It was over. It was done. With literal gods supporting Vox Machina on all sides, it was done. Vecna was dead. His body collapsed at Vax’s feet, but there was no joy in Keyleth’s heart as she crossed the battlefield to him. Vex’s voice from hat felt like ages ago echoed in her head - _if we defeat him, do you go away?_

 

_Do you go away?_

 

As Keyleth approached him, the man she loved with all her heart, he finally looked up from the body of their enemy, his red and teary eyes meeting hers. Keyleth broke at that sight and ran what little distance there still was between them, flinging her arms around him and hugging him tight. _Maybe, just maybe, if she held him tight enough, he wouldn’t go away._ She buried her face in the musty feathers of his mantle and felt him doing the same as he hugged her back, the two of them curled around each other in what could very well be their last moments together.

 

“I love you, Kiki,” Vax murmured into her shoulder and she only held him tighter. His hands were getting colder. 

 

“I love you, too,” she managed to choke out, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Wrenching herself away from him, Keyleth leaned bak just far enough to look into his eyes. “I love you, Vax,” she repeated herself, her tears now streaming from her eyes. 

 

Eyes that Vax noticed had taken on a flicker of grim determination. But before he could comment on it, his sister was barreling towards them and Keyleth was stepping back, allowing the twins their own moment to- to say goodbye. And step back Keyleth did. She watched with a detached sense of determination as the rest of Vox Machina said their goodbyes, exchanging hugs and heartfelt words. 

 

Until there sounded a raven’s caw, quiet at first. Keyleth would have thought she had imagined it had Vex and Vax not looked around for the source of it as well. 

 

It sounded again, louder, and this time, it was heard by all of Vox Machina. They froze in place, listening to the eerie call, save for Keyleth, who pushed her way through her friends to Vax’s side. 

 

It came again, and louder still. Keyleth grabbed Vax’s hands and looked him in the eye, even as the raven cawed again, and now it sounded like a number of them, crescendoing to a deafening volume. Scanlan, Percy, Grog, Pike, and Vex clapped their hands over their ears, but Keyleth’s grip on Vax was firm and her eyes did not leave his. 

 

She stepped in closer and rested her forehead against his. 

 

“I don’t accept this,” she said. Her words were lost to the cacophony, but the way Vax’s face fell, the sorrow she knew he felt for her clear on his face, she knew he heard her. 

 

And then everything was silent. 

 

And Keyleth’s hands were empty. 

 

Keyleth reached out to where he stood, where his face had been, but he was gone. He was gone and Keyleth was numb. She heard Vex’s cry from behind her and turned just in time to watch her collapse to the ground, her body wracked with sobs as Percy moved to her side, kneeling beside her and pulling her into his arms.

 

In a daze, Keyleth found herself stepping away from her friends. She needed air. She needed space. This was not the end. 

 

_I don’t accept that._

 

And so with her planar magic crackling at her fingertips, Keyleth turned away from her friends and began to cross the battlefield. She heard Grog calling her name as she left, heard Pike’s concerned voice asking what she was doing, but paid them no mind. She didn’t have much magic left in her, but she had enough for this. She could feel it. She could do this. 

 

She had no tuning fork this time, no surefire way to go to the Outlands, but they had done their research. There was no room for doubt in Keyleth’s mind as she focused on the plane of the Raven Queen, on the goddess herself, and on Vax. She let the magic consume her and the transition took longer than she was used to, but she passed through the divine gate and found herself alone, landed on one knee with one hand braced against the ground to stabilize herself. Before her, Keyleth saw a massive obsidian palace, a crest of raven’s wings mounted above the open doors. Steeling herself, armed with the Spire of Conflux and just enough magic to get herself there and bring Vax back home, Keyleth strode inside. 

 

It reminded her a bit of the temple in Vassalheim, but somehow more oppressive in its darkness. It was not completely dark - light filtered in through stained glass windows along the corridor but outside those colorful rays of light, there was nothing. Even with her keen elven sight, Keyleth could see nothing in the shadows. At last, the corridor ended and Keyleth stepped into a massive hall, or at least it felt massive. Just like the corridor, there was nothing to be seen beyond the colorful filtered light that fell upon the black stone floors. At the end of the hall was a throne and sat upon it, Keyleth saw, for the second time, the Raven Queen.

 

Swallowing back her panic and making herself stand a little taller, Keyleth crossed the hall to stand before the throne, her footsteps echoing off of walls she couldn’t see. She stood defiant before the enthroned goddess, drawing confidence from one her love for her found family - one of the only places she ever could.

 

“I must say, I am intrigued,” a low, feminine voice came from the porcelain mask before her. “Never before has anyone come to me as you have today, Keyleth, Headmaster of the Air Ashari.”

 

Keyleth’s eyes widened, caught a bit off guard by the use of her name before she shook it off. Of course she knew her name. That wasn’t something to get distracted over. But then the Raven Queen, massive in her size and influence, rose from her throne and came down from her daïs, her form shrinking to meet Keyleth’s as she approached the druid. 

 

“Why should I give up what is mine?” she asked, circling Keyleth now and speaking in her ear as the half-elf’s blood boiled. “Vax’ildan agreed to a deal with me,” she wend on. “Return to life to aid in the destruction of my enemy, but only until his task was done, whereupon he would come back to me forever.” Keyleth’s hands clenched in fists as she fought back the urge to lash out at the goddess before her. “Has he not fulfilled our deal?” she asked, finally stopping to stand before Keyleth, porcelain face expressionless.

 

“I don’t accept that,” Keyleth finally ground out, looking up at the Raven Queen.

 

“Vax doesn’t deserve this,” she began, her anger flaring and her fingers sparkling with the energy of the Fire Ashari. “After everything he’s done for our world, _everything he’s one for you_ , he has earned a long life of happiness. There are so many people who love him, who care about him, who look up to him. Every last one of them will be devastated by his death. 

 

“Shaun Gilmore, Allura Vysoren, Lady Kima of Vord, Kynan Leore, Cassandra de Rolo, Zahra Hydris, Kashaw Vesh, the Tal’dorei family, the Ashari people, the citizens of Whitestone, Velora Vessar, his father, Grog Strongjaw, Taryon Darrington, Percy de Rolo, Scanlan Shorthalt, Pike Trickfoot, his twin sister, Vex’ahlia,” she listed, tears beginning to prick at the corners of her eyes in spite of herself. 

 

“You?” the Raven Queen offered, an odd tone to her voice that Keyleth couldn’t put her finger on, but that one little word broke her and she let out a sob, falling to her knees before the Raven Queen. 

 

“Me,” she confirmed, looking up at the expressionless porcelain mask. 

 

“I’m not good with words,” Keyleth admitted, “but I know feelings. And I know the sorrow and the grief that Vax’s death will being to Exandria,” she said, before the oncoming tears became unbearable and she ducked her head, tears falling from her face like rain and splashing on the floor, a few landing on the hem of the Raven Queen’s robes. 

 

“I can’t lose him,” she breathed through her tears. “Not again. He has so much _life_ in him. He has so much more ahead of him. He’s done so much good in his life and there’s so much more he can do for the world, I know it. He deserves that much. I want to see him grow old with Vex. I want him to see Grog find his freedom and watch Pike helm the church of Sarenrae. I want him to see Percy find happiness and Scanlan forge a happy relationship with Kaylie.” Keyleth looked up at the Raven Queen again, her eyes red and puffy, her battle worn and grimy face cut with tear tracks. “I want to build a life with him. That’s all I want.”

 

The Raven Queen was silent for an agonizingly long time. In the silence, Keyleth panicked. _What the fuck had she just done? Had she just traded her life for his, like he did for Vex? Would this make any difference? Had she just signed her own death warrant? Was she dead already? Would they even get to be together in death? Would the Raven Queen allow her soul into her domain beside Vax’s? Would she even consider letting his leave to join her?_

 

The questions were never ending in Keyleth’s mind as she watched the motionless goddess before her. 

 

“You continue to impress me, Keyleth,” she finally spoke, her voice soft. Out of nowhere, her hand appeared from within her robes and she curled a finger under Keyleth’s chin, tilting her face upwards. It wasn’t as cold as the druid had been expecting. “It does seem fitting that my champion would find love with one so,” she paused, as if searching for the right word, “audacious.”

 

“I must admit, you have moved me, young one,” she said, softly caressing her face. “I will offer you a choice. You may live as you have. Keep the longevity of your heritage and serve your people well, lead them and the world to prosperity and peace for centuries to come. Bring joy to the world and when your time comes, return to your ancestors in peace. If this is your choice, you may leave in peace. I will not hinder you,” she said. Then, with a flick of her wrist, a shadowy figure, transparent almost, appeared behind her and Keyleth’s heart broke for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

 

It was Vax. 

 

He looked around the room, confused, until his eyes fell upon Keyleth where she knelt before the Raven Queen. His eyes widened and he tried to say something, but Keyleth couldn’t hear him. It might have been her name, but she had never been as good at reading lips as Vex. She ached to go to him and he tried to cross the room to her, but there was a goddess who required her attention and some kind of barrier that divided him from her. Keyleth looked back up at the Raven Queen. 

 

“Or you may return to your home with my champion,” she continued. “You may live out your days as you may, as long as they may last, but your lives will be tethered. When one dies, the other will follow and those shall be your final deaths. When that day comes, you will spend your eternities in _my_ service.”

 

Keyleth met Vax’s shadowy eyes across the hall again and he shook his head, grief and sorrow in his eyes, and Keyleth didn’t need to hear him speak to know that he didn’t want her to sacrifice anything for him. 

 

But this was worth it. 

 

“I’ve never wanted to live forever,” Keyleth said simply, turning back to the Raven Queen. The goddess tilted her head as if almost impressed by her choice, but Keyleth couldn’t imagine that that was it. It couldn’t be. She may have marched into this goddess’s palace, demanding her boyfriend’s life, but she was just some mortal. 

 

“Very well,” the Raven Queen acquiesced all the same. She stepped back, growing in size until she seemed to fit her throne once more. With a flick of her wrist, the shadowy figure of Vax was solid again and he ran to Keyleth’s still kneeling form, skidding along the floor in his rush to hold her again. They clung to each other tight, the mere thought of letting go simply unspeakable at this point. Keyleth sobbed into Vax’s shoulder and she felt his tears beginning to dampen her shoulder. She held him tighter. She felt his heartbeat, the strongest it had been since the Shadowfell. 

 

The par of them were then consumed by a brilliant white light and without any of Keyleth’s own magic, they were hurtling between the planes, passing through the divine gate. Keyleth chanced a look back from where they came and saw a flurry of raven feathers and couldn’t help but wonder if this was the kind of thing that Vax saw all the time. 

 

And then they were back on the battlefield. 

 

They landed hard and clumsy, no three point landings this time, in a muddy heap on the battlefield, a soft _pop_ emanating from them. Keyleth’s eyes were fixed on Vax and she took his face in her hands, turning him to look right in her eyes. 

 

“Hey,” she said, giving him a teary smile that he mirrored as he reached up to cup her face in return. 

 

“Hey yourself,” he said. “What were you thinking?” he asked, bewildered. 

 

“I couldn’t accept it,” she said, shaking her head, the tears returning as she brought him in to lean her forehead against his once more. 

 

“But your life, your people-“ he started, trailing off a bit helplessly. 

 

“You know how I’ve felt about that,” Keyleth reassured him.

 

“What about your life after death? You won’t see your ancestors, your _mother_ ,” he argued, leaning back to look her properly in the eye, clearly distraught. Keyleth shook her head at him. 

 

“They’re gone. I’ve made my peace with that,” she said, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his pointed ear. “I’d rather share a life with you than face eternity alone.”

 

They were then startled out of their reverie by a shout they recognized in a moment. Turning at the sound of Grog’s voice, they saw the entirety of Vox Machina charging for them, Vex pushing her way to the front, looking somewhere between elated and murderous. Without saying anything yet, she yanked her brother to his feet and crushed him in a hug. When they separated, she gave him a weak punch to the shoulder and turned to Keyleth. 

 

“What the fuck did you do?” she asked, carefully concealed tears in her voice. 

 

“I- well, I-“ Keyleth started to say, caught off guard by Vex’s intensity. 

 

“She got in an argument with a fucking god,” Vax spoke up. “And she won,” he said, pulling Keyleth into his arms and pressing a kiss to her hair. Keyleth hugged him back, burying her face in his chest.

 

“I can explain,” she said, turning her face so she was at least somewhat audible. “But he’s back. For real this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, folks! This is my first foray into critical role fic, (I know, I picked a real popular ship for my first fic in this fandom I'm super driven by lots of positive feedback and definitely don't have a history of writing obscure things just bc I like them) so let me know what you thought in the comments, drop me a kudos if you liked it! 
> 
> Thanks again, Natalie out.


End file.
